Old Friendships

Today I went to a wedding and saw an old friend, I call her that because we honestly haven't spoken in several years and parted ways on bad terms. I knew she would be there, although looking back on it I am not quiet sure why she was there. The wedding was VERY small and there were few "friends" it was mostly family and I know my boyfriend was only there because he has been really close to the groom all of his life. The wedding was slightly bittersweet because the groom is being shipped off to Iraq for his 3rd tour in August and it seemed like hw as getting married to get double his pay but I saw him cry during the ceremony so I felt like it was more real. I also feel like he got married as a way to help protect her and her son if he dies while in Iraq. I worry about him while he is away and made him promise to e-mail me constantly to let me know if he needs anything sent to him.

Anyways....I spent 2 hours chatting casually with an old friend even though we have not seen each other or spoken to each other in over 3 years. The last thing we actually talked about except for details of parting ways was basically when she told me she "realized I was a person she did not want to end up like" and warned me that my boyfriend was a terrible person and would break my heart. Almost 4 years later we are still dating so I'd like to think she was wrong about him being terrible and breaking my heart. We talked and I realized that at some point it is probably possible to forget the bad things and hurtful things that others tell you. I don't think we would ever be truly friends again and am pretty sure we would never hang out on a regular basis but at the same time it felt nice to know that even though we never apologized it seemed like things were forgotten and forgiven. I wonder what other parts of my life, burned bridges and hateful words spoken have been forgotten and forgiven.

Vegas

In less than 6 days I will be getting off of an airplane in Las Vegas! I am super excited about it! I've never been to Vegas and have always wanted to go, especially since I've turned 21 and finally I am getting to go. Blake "suprised" me with tickets to Vegas for graduation. He accidently got drunk and told one of our friends he bought me tickets loud enough that I could hear him. So I have known for about 3 months but I let him think he suprised me because he loves to think that. He also attempted to suprise me with a collar for Winston for my bday a few years ago but was unsuccessful because I was in the store with him and saw him buying it but I also let him pretend he suprised me because lets face it, Suprises are fun!! So tonight we were eating dinner and he mentioned that in a week from tonight we have reservations for dinner at some restaurant (he said the name but I've already forgotten) and I'm thinking hmmm.... 1. Blake never makes plans. 2. Blake has been talking about engagements a lot lately ie. "When we get engaged, I'm going to give Anna a diamond off of my watch for her ring" the diamonds on his watch are about a 1/32 carat of a diamond if even that... 3. Vegas is the city where people elope to.
I've been helping my best friend plan her wedding which is June 4, 2011 IF it happens. And I am realizing how EXPENSIVE weddings are! I mean, 2grand for a photographer, $800 for a cake, catering for $25/person etc. Geez!! And Blakes Mom will want a HUGE wedding, which I totally don't want, I know people say that you only get one wedding blah blah blah but honestly I would so rather get married in my backyard at a BBQ than have to have a HUGE wedding with 500 people I don't even know, which is why I am getting married somewhere exotic, like Jamacia or the Bahamas.

Growing Up

Literally, no joke here, everyone I know is either a) pregnant b) just had a baby or c) getting married this summer. Does this make me a bad person that even while I am extremely happy in a 4 year relationship, I have no desire to get married anytime soon? Maybe I'm playing sweet lemons (good old psychology, turning a terrible situation into something good) because I know if Blake asked me to marry him I would say yes without hesitation and nothing would really change, we already live together... I just feel like my mom was already married with her second child on the way at my age and we saw how that worked out. I don't want to be divorced, EVER and right now I feel like my only solution to that is to never get married. Its like if you don't want to get pregnant or have any STDs you don't have sex right?? I'm also pretty sure I don't want kids, EVER. I have a friend with a 2 year old and Aubrey is the love of my life (pretty ironic since when we were young I always wanted to name my girl Aubrey Nicole, and now I have one without the pregnancy or birthing experience) but the whole responsible for anothers life, responsible for 18 years freaks me out! Its going to cost us an extra $98 to board our 2 dogs while we are in Vegas but there is no way to find a babysitter for 24/5 care for $98. I read an article that estimated you spend $700/month on a baby until kindergarden age child. $700/month!! I don't even spend $700/year on my dogs and they are SPOILED! Plus my dogs are going to die in 12 years and than we are done with them, even after your kids move out they are still around. Wow I sound so negative today, I am just pretty sure that marriage/children is out of my responsibility level right now and I would like to think I am mature for my age. I guess this all has to come from my recent college graduation, I didn't think I was ready for HS or college or graduation and now I have nothing left to "not be ready for"

Cleaning

I just spent two hours cleaning the house non-stop, dusting, vaccuming, sweeping, moping, bathrooms (UCK) and kitchen. It feels good to have it clean and it smells better :) We shaved Leroy last week and I noticed an extreme difference between the amount of hair in the vaccum this time, although it is still bad. Blake has been out of town the last several weeks and as much as I "miss" him, I enjoy having a whole house all to myself doing what I want, eating when I want, watching what I want on tv. I'll be glad when he is home and the puppies will be especially happy. Leroy will sit at the garage door and stare at it as if staring at it will make Blake walk thru. He also does not like to eat when Blake is gone but after 3 or 4 days he will eat, getting too hungry to be on a fast. I also do enjoy having him home at night, my neighborhood is safe but I still feel weird being home alone at night, what if something does happen?? Than again when I had roommates they would have been worse help than not having anyone here. One of my roommates actually had an ex-boyfriend stalking her from her hometown, 4 hours away. I am not even sure how he found where she lived but he would leave her notes on her car at the mall and in the driveway. CREEPY!!
There are 4 college guys who live across the street from us. They are typically okay except for the living out of their garage, couches tv table lamps etc. which I find weird and the ocassional loud garage party (wow I sound old) However they hadn't mowed in over a month and their grass was officially seeding and was at least a foot tall. I reported them to the city, like a little snitch. I hate when people don't take care of their yards, shitty landscape is bad enough but to not mow your yard for that long!! So I'm pretty sure they just volunteered to mow their lawn on their own because the house next to them also hasn't mowed and still hasn't mowed but FINALLY 1 down, 1 to go the college guys mowed their yard. I watched one of them mow the front yard while cleaning, it took him at least 45 minutes to mow the front yard in addition to the fact that it was over halfway done before I got home from work. It takes me 30 minutes to mow my whole yard and my front yard is hilly so it takes extra time. I estimated that he could have mowed the yard 6 times in what it took him to mow today because it was soo tall. I've only mowed my yard 3 times in the last month.

Small Children

Blake and I went to a Springfield Cardinals game tonight. I don't really like baseball all that much but I like Springfield games a lot more than STL. Smaller crowds, less walking, closer to the game, MUCH cheaper seats. We got a free set of tickets but they were originally $8 and right by 3rd base, try getting those in STL. Anyways the point of this blog was to explain why I'm pretty sure I can never have kids. The seats are SOO close together at the stadium and we were stuck next to what I will sware is the 3 worst children in the WORLD. They were maybe 10, 8 and 6ish... I first sat next to the oldest one. It was thunderstick night, those things you bang together to make nose. The dad and the oldest kid beat on these for a good 20 minutes straight, each time almost hitting me in the face. Than the little girl pushed her older brother down so he hit his head on the chair and screamed bloody murder for a good 5 minutes while the Mom just made it her biggest goal to get a Dr.Pepper from the guy walking by. 2 hours later they switch so I get to sit next to the screamer. He touches me, hits me with his sticks and wiggles in his chair hitting me constantly for a long time. The mom obviously hates her children bc she keeps yelling at him and than smiling at me like she is trying to help. Finally the little kid bites into his thundersticks and pops them but still won't stop moving so we scoot over a seat giving me a little space which he immediatly invades. They all leave to go to the bathroom and the people sitting 6 seats down from me (on their other side) smile at me and sort of roll their eyes like, "we have the worst seats in the stadium" The whole time Blake and I are laughing but wanting to slap all the children or hoping one of them busts their face so they will leave. That is when I decided I don't like children. My mom says I will love my own, just like I do my dogs but I am pretty sure I'll be the mom who shakes her baby or runs the car into a pond with the kids strapped in their carseats. My friend Jess has an adorable 18 month old Aubrey who I am in love with!! I texted Jess and told her I actually missed her and Aubrey and appreciated how well behaved Aubrey is compared to these little monsters.

Weddings and Abusive Relationships

So my best friend just got engaged today... I am extremely happy for her because I know this is what she wants but at the same time, how do I agree to be a Maid of Honor in a wedding I don't support.
This is her second engagement, the first one I knew would not last, she was living in Mississippi and he lived in Wisconsin and they had only known each other a few months. So this one is at least better than that one, I think...
This will be his 3rd marriage, he is 29, she is 22. I don't know why his first marriage ended but he has a daughter whose 9?? and gets along great with Brandi. His second wife decided she would rather be a dyke than be married to him and was actually friends with Brandi thru the whole divorce so it was a real big deal for her to start dating him.
Now don't get me wrong, he is a great guy and we've always gotten along well. He's been dating Brandi for over a year now...about and they live together. But my problem with him is more than the much older, twice divorced with a kid deal. My issue is from the fact that last summer we were going to Vegas for a friends bachelorette party and Kaleb put his foot down and said 'no' we wouldn't be going without him because he didn't trust Brandi. They broke up over that deal and he eventually relaxed and came back to her and she took him back. However that isn't even my biggest problem. At the end of March I actually wrote a post about this on my xanga. And here is the exerpt.
"My best friend since 9th grade is dating a man who abuses her. Her status on Sunday was "BT K****s not the guy u think he is...a concussion ...2 times thrown up against the wall and kicked in the face...thats what i live with...not so good huh? Yesterday at 12:05am" She changed her status to single and told me she was really sore and would call me later that day to talk about it. She never called. They live together and I sadly knew what would happen. His status today was "KS is saying some relationships are worth fighting for but sometimes changes need to be made for them to work and they usually need to start w good ole number 1!! 5:31pm" Not even 30 hours later and they are back together!! She told me this is not the first time he has beat her. I'm sorry but this is NOT okay!! And sadly I feel like I can't be best friends with a girl who doesn't repect herself and I know that I can never sit in the same room as him again. He has always been jealous, he wouldn't let us go to Las Vegas without him because he didn't trust her and he never has. He said he would change than because they had broken up but lets face it, you can't change a man like that, not if you keep coming back to him."

Which is why not even 6 weeks after he beat her up, for the second time, her getting engaged to him worries me. I love her very much and don't want anything to happen to her but I also don't want to lose her as a friend if I question her relationship and brand new engagement. She is a very strong woman and I just hope she is making the right decision.

Post Secret Graduation

Frank from Post Secrets spoke at St. Mary's Graduation, his speech was on his website. I wish he had spoke at my Graduation instead of the woman who did.

It was an honor to deliver the Commencement Address at St. Mary's College of Maryland today. I invited students to share their own "One-Sentence Commencement Speech."Read their collective wisdom in my full remarks below and add your own in the comments that follow.Twenty years ago, I was sitting among a sea of white folding chairs, just like you are today. I was graduating with my friends from UC Berkeley. I can’t recall who the commencement speaker was that day, or what he or she said. So, in some ways -- even though this is the first commencement address I have delivered -- I feel very little pressure. But in other ways I feel unprepared and undeserving of this great honor you have given me.Five years ago I started collecting secrets for an art project I call PostSecret. I invited strangers to write their secrets on postcards and mail them to me, anonymously. Today, I still get about 1,000 every week from all over the world and share them with people on the web and in five PostSecret books. These secrets can tell a funny story, expose a sexual taboo, describe someone’s most humiliating experience or reveal hidden acts of kindness. Each secret is unique just like a fingerprint. But collectively they remind us how connected we all are with friends, and strangers, and how precious those relationships can be.From the nearly half-million postcards that have been mailed to me, I brought one example to read to you. This is a postcard that I carry with me every time I travel to talk about PostSecret. Like so many of the secrets, if you truly open yourself up to them at the core there is a kernel of experience or wisdom that we can learn from. This secret reminds me to always treat the people I meet during my frequent travels with the kindness and respect that we all deserve. And once I read you this secret I think you will understand why.My home address is on the back of the card along with a stamp and a cancelation mark, this postcard was mailed from Seattle Washington. On the front are six RUSH stickers from an airport baggage handler. The secret reads: You called me an idiot so I sent your bags to the wrong destination. WHOOPS, I guess you were right.In the same spirit as PostSecret, a month ago, I asked each member of your 2009 Class to write down a brief message on a postcard. I didn’t ask for a secret. I asked instead for a response to the following question: What do my classmates, and I, need to hear on Graduation Day?I did not know what to expect by tapping into your collective wisdom, but I was soon thrilled by the insight, humor, and inspiration I felt in your earnest one-sentence commencement speeches. Here are just a few.Be wise enough not to be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks.It’s okay to fail – learn from it and you will succeed.It’s better to be pissed-off than pissed-on.These next three all offer solid advice about making the transition from St Mary’s to the real world.With the increased prevalence of multi-drug resistant bacteria and the increasingly epidemic worldwide outbreak of swine flu, WASH YOUR HANDS . . . RELIGIOUSLY.In the real world, you must wear shoes.I know some of us are going to walk off this stage today with no idea about what comes next – embrace it, find something that makes you happy, and follow it wherever it leads.These last two thoughts mention a part of the St. Mary’s experience that several students wrote about -- The St. Mary’s River. Perfection is something that everyone strives for, yet no one achieves; let the memory of the perfect sunrise over The St. Mary’s River drive your inspirations when you doubt your abilities in the future.Regardless of where the future takes us, we will still all have one commonality; the river and our time together here.This final inspirational thought came with a little back-story that I would like to include.So, I thought of this as I was getting breakfast at 8:30 this morning, after pulling an all-nighter. Yes, an all-nighter on the last night before the last day of classes ever in my undergraduate career. And then, parenthetically, I am still not done with my work, by the way; but I wanted to stop and write this . . . . . . I might be over the all-nighters in Baltimore Hall, the shower shoes, the no-soap-or-paper-towels-in-the-dispenser, and even the annoying Great Room hours of St. Mary’s College of Maryland; but I will never – EVER be over how each of those circumstances, at this fine institution, allowed me to meet the most fascinating and awesome people I have ever met in my life; I am humbled to call them friends! I really hope that person was able to finish up and be here. Are you out there? If you are please stand so we can recognize you. [Enthusiastic Applause] About 100 days ago I visited your special campus for the first time. I had a chance to appreciate the surroundings, the woods, The St. Mary’s River. And I got to know students, professors and staff. During that visit, I asked students if they had a favorite secret they had seen on the PostSecret website. One young woman recalled a secret that she had seen last year. It read: My friend believes they will change the world, and I believe them. She pointed out the classmate she was thinking of. I have forgotten the student’s name, but I believe they are here, right now, sitting in a white chair.My talk is almost over but before I close, I want to confess one of my secrets. It’s not a happy secret and I have never said it out loud before. . .I have lost contact with all of my college friends from Berkeley. In all the excitement of this special day, I hope you will not overlook the lasting value of the people you have shared this meaningful journey with. The friends, who decades from now will remember your face and character just as clearly as The St. Mary’s River.Don’t wait another minute to ask your classmate, professor or campus staff member for that email address, telephone number, or if you are old school like me -- mailing address.Twenty years from today, you probably won’t remember who your commencement speaker was or what he or she said. But I pray that each of you will never lose the important relationships formed in this extraordinary place with the old friends and new, who believe in you, and surround you, now -- in white folding chairs.

Wedding Registries

I have about 8 friends getting married this summer. Okay just 7 that I can think of. And while I am looking at wedding registries to pick out presents for these people I realize just how shitty a wedding registry really is. Not because it is literally like a little kids letter to Santa telling you exactly what they want, because honestly I like knowing exactly what someone wants it makes it easy for me and I wish people could do that for birthdays and other occasions.
The thing that sucks about wedding registries is the shitty presents people get. When is a meat tenderizer a good present? I have literally seen it on 5 registeries. One girl actually registered for one twice, which is understandable because how can anyone remember what they've registered for. But seriously, if a husband EVER got his wife a kitchen item for an Anniversary, Birthday, Holiday she would KILL him. That is the age old joke of the man who got his wife a cleaning/kitchen item and than wondered why she was upset about it. But here we are expecting to get all of these household kitchen items for a wedding and to be happy about it, to actually WANT these items...

WTF!?!

Relationships

Stringing Someone Along.
At what point is it no longer okay to act interested in a relationship when you no longer are? I have a friend who dated a guy for almost a year 2 years ago, he was a complete ass and broke her heart. She was stood up on Valentine's Day and he broke up with her just weeks before her family was going on a cruise, taking him with them. Just recently he realized he messed up and has been trying to get back together with her. She is really enjoying having the power in the relationship, making him pay for all meals, pick her up, buy her flowers, etc. She said she really has no interest in dating him especially not at this time, he hurt her too bad. She doesn't even act like she really wants to ever date him, just spends time with him, texts him, talks to him on the phone etc because she is bored or because he buys her food. She usually does not see him unless there is a meal involved. Is what she is doing any better than what he did to her 2 years ago?? How much longer is she allowed to do this to him before she has to move on? How long before he'll give up and move on?

Life

I have always wondered why things end up the way they do. How much control do we actually have on our own lives and how much of that is already predetermined?? I remember reading a book my Freshman year (Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld) but there was a quote in the book along the lines of some people come into our lives to be our best friends and change our worlds while others will be used to prepare us for our future friendships. At the time my roommate asked me if I was her best friend or just someone helping her to prepare, I laughed and said of course she was my best friend. To those of you who have known me for a while, you know that she was indeed the later of my friendships in the end. I find myself 4 years later looking back on our friendship and wondering if things were meant to end up this way. I ended up being friends with my roommate because we had the same birthday and she introduced me to my boyfriend of almost 4 years. My roommate and I had a terrible ending to a friendship which resulted in her breaking up with her boyfriend of over 5 years and me finding the love of my life. I really wish I could find that quote again and maybe even re-read the book.
It just left me wondering how she is doing now and if we could ever be friends again. I know we could never be that close again, I wouldn't even imagine it because honestly she hurt me in ways unimaginable but another part of me wonders why things ended? Why things ever really ended?

Mother's Day

I just found out that my best friend, neighbors since kindergarden, always went on vacations together and spent basically 24/7 together until HS, is pregnant. It sounds terrible but honestly an accidental pregnancy could not happen to a better girl. Her parents have always spoiled her and always will. They will continue to pay for her final year of college and her law school including all expenses until she graduates. Her boyfriend will be a "stay at home dad" but it honestly freaks me out because she is only 21! I know my mom had my brother at her age but Hannah has always seemed slightly immature and always seems to need that little bit of extra help to keep tract of things. However she is extremely excited and cannot wait for her baby boy to come in September. I am happy for her and would much rather her have a baby than me but I can't wait for her baby to be born so I can baby-sit!

The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas

Sunday night I rented "The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas" and still now I cannot get the movie out of my head. I have always been fasinated with the Holocaust, even from a very early age. I remember BEGGING my mom to go into the Holocaust Museum in DC when it first opened, I was 12. I don't really remember it at age 12 but at age 22 when I went again this year, we spent 3 hours in the Museum and I tried to read EVERYTHING. I am not sure why I'm so facinated by it except that I have always loved trying to understanding why/how people do the things they do.

So I had heard that "The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas" was a good movie so I rented it. OMG so terribly sad. I did not cry during the movie, which is impressive but it just left me feeling empty and so upset. Basically the movie is all about a German Natzi Officers 8 year old son and his perspective. The family is uprooted to live 2 miles away from a Concentration Camp and Bruno (the 8 year old boy) gets bored and begins to explore. He ends up finding the Concentration Camp and befriending a 8 year old Jewish boy as his friend. The movie is written incredibly well to make you feel like it is truly being experienced by an 8 year old boy. The part that stuck out to me the most was the tutorer having Bruno and his 12 year old sister read about how horrible the Jewish people are and how they have destroyed the German nation. The tutor than tells Bruno "if you can find a nice Jew you'd be the best explorer in the world." I don't want to spoil the end but it is a terrible ending but it left me wondering how any human could EVER treat another human being that way.

I learned in my Interior Design History class that people, especially in Europe, use to have Zoos of humans in the 1300's. They use to never see people of other ethnic groups, black, asian, indian, etc. so they would capture them and exhibit them in Zoos. It was supported by the arts for cultural experience!! I can honestly say that people have come a LONG way from having zoos of other humans but just 60 years ago we literally we're keeping people as slaves and killing them because we felt they were "not humans." I just cannot stop thinking about that movie and especially the ending, it broke my heart.

Fat is not a Handicap.

Sorry to offend anyone but I have to rant. Fat people gross me out, actually obese people. I understand a little junk in the trunk or a belly pooch. People who require a scooter at wal-mart but their ass cheeks hang over both sides, people who have a BMI of 40% and wear a bikini that cuts into their fat, men with pants 50x28. They all gross me out, I know I'm being ignorant because I don't know all of these people personally. I infact have several people, friends mothers, who are obese and I love these people but it does not make fatties gross me out any less. I hate seeing these people in their scooters at the grocery store, parking their cars in the handicapped spots near the door, eating at buffets, huffing to breathe while walking in the mall. I think for the most part I've developed this gross disgust with them because I have see too many people who have serious health issues from being so over weight and I wonder how ANYONE could do that to themselves. It is a simple solution, stop eating so many double cheeseburgers. Its not about stopping eating them completely, I eat double cheeseburgers and my ass doesn't hang over the scooter, its simply eating LESS!!

I love watching the show, "the biggest loser" because it shows people who are fat learning to be skinny through healthy eating and working out. I always enjoying seeing how much the people change and how they talk none stop about how much better they feel now that they have lost all the weight, or all the medications they are able to stop taking because they are healthier. I know I'm not in perfect shape but I try to spend time outside, walking dogs, or just enjoying the sunshine. I also eat a lot of mcdonalds, a lot. So it really hacks me off when I see a fat person getting out of their car in the handicap parking spot at Wal-Mart. They need to be required to park at the farthest spots, we are only helping them to be fat and lazy.

Religion

Every once in a while I come across a blog that inspires me to write something. I was raised Catholic, attended a Catholic grade school = church 4 times a week and went every Sunday until I graduated high school. My mom never forced me to attend church, well maybe when I was really little. After 6th grade we changed churches and started going to breakfast every Sunday after mass, we went with an old man who absolutely adored me (not in that creepy wanna touch you way) because he didn't have any daughters of his own, so I loved going to church to get breakfast. After I graduated I felt like I needed a break, I go to church probably once every 2 months and everytime I go I feel especially close to God but I don't feel like I need to go to church every week to be close to God. I've also never felt the need to pressure anyone about religion. In HS there was a family of 6 girls whose father was a baptist minister, his brother was a catholic priest though. The girls were invited everyone to attend their church every Sunday, which was slightly annoying, but after several weeks of telling them "no thank, I attend the Catholic church but thank you anyways" they started to get hateful. I accepted that they had different beliefs but they never seemed to feel the same way. I remember once joking about going to pergatory for an extra long time for eating meat on a Friday during lent, the girl flat out told me that there was no such thing as pergatory, nothing like having your beliefs shot down during english class. I have strong beliefs in my faith but do not feel like in the United States anyone should be felt threatened because of anothers Religious views.

Dad

My Dad came down last weekend to do some house work, my garage door wasn't working, my shower was leaking etc. Just little things but he is my "landlord" He honestly has not come down since the first major trip when he put in a shower when we first bought the house so it was nice for him to come see what all needs to be done. After just spending 6 hours with my dad I realized we are a lot more alike than I remembered and that scares me. We are both serious people pleasers who try to avoid conflicts to the point where we are unhappy. This also leads us to hold up all of our anger and just take getting yelled at whenever something goes wrong without arguing. We also enjoy a lot of the same things, would much rather read a book than watch tv, enjoy working on things (fixing stuff, hands on projects) and can never sit still. These are not bad things in any way, however being so much like my father, which everyone points out who knows both of my parents well, is scary because of the man who he's become lately. He has always been a hardworker, spending several extra hours a night at work making sure everything is done perfectly, not a bad quality. The part that worries me is my dads family history, he is one of 5 boys, 7 kids in all. 3 of his brothers have had DWIs, 2 of them have had 3 DWIs. My Dad has also begun to drink A LOT and for him if he gets a DWI he looses his job, they frown upon teachers getting DWIs. This is probably my biggest reason for never getting drunk, I enjoy drinking but avoid having more than 3 drinks a night because secretly I'm afraid I'll end up an alcoholic. Also I'm worried about being like my father is because he cheated on my mom and abandoned his family. I see my father maybe once or twice a year and I hate this because we use to be extremely close, I was a Daddys girl to an extreme until I turned 16 and he cheated on my mom and moved out. I am worried that I will getting married and at some point leave my family for another man. I love my Dad but am worried about becoming more like him and his bad qualities than for the good qualities that I once saw in him.

Although this weekend did make me realize that inspite of all his faults he is still a wonderful man and I do love him for being my Dad. I just wish that we were closer. I see my mom at least twice a month and if we don't talk on the phone we text daily, several times. I wish I had at least a little bit of that with my Dad. He is always willing to help with any serious issues (he spent several days researching my garage door being broken) but unless I need him to help with something he is never around.